To Touch A Star
by DekotaSkye
Summary: What if Aeryn left and didn't come back until 3 cycles later? What if John had been left along on Moya? What if...
1. Prologue:

To Touch a Star  
  
By DekotaSkye  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters, the Jim Henson Company does, and.whatever. I promise to but everyone back in the toy box when I am through playing with them. Sometime in the future. My thanks go out to my wonderful beta Georgette for her proofing and great suggests. Rate PG for shippness  
  
Prologue:  
  
John stood there not believing that Aeryn was gone after the promise he would never leave her. Worst of all she said good-bye. Something they never had done. His hopes.his dreams. were dead.  
  
Three Point Seven Cycles in the Future:  
  
The fighting had begun. Chaos was the rule of the day. Survival was the challenge of the time. Scarrans. Peacekeepers. Nebari. They were all the same. One crazy wanting to dominate the other crazies.  
  
Moya had moved deeper into the Unchartered Territories at the request of John Crichton. He was the only one left aboard. Chiana had taken a pod; left a message she had gone to join her brother in the Resistance. D'Argo and the crew had found Jothee again, and joined his son to help liberate his people. The last he had heard Rygel was once more ruler after several near attempts on his life. He deliberately dumped granny on a commerce planet after the old bat had nearly killed him with one of her poisons. He didn't remember too much after that. Those were the dark days he didn't want to remember even if he could.  
  
John moved through Moya's golden corridors heading for command. He looked down at his notebook, going over the figures. Since heading this way, he had seen and been apart of some weird and wonderful lives on planets beyond anything Pilot had even seen or heard of. He stopped as the door opened. "Hey, Pilot."  
  
Pilot's image materialized on the claim shell as John walked into the room. "Yes, Commander."  
  
"Have you found anything of interest on the star charts?" They had recently found a society that possessed a massive library. John dubbed it the Grand Library Planet.  
  
"Yes, we have. Moya has altered her course. We should be there in three solar days. How are your computations coming?"  
  
He plopped down on the strategy table. Smiling. "Oh, I finished them last night. It's a way home. The right time.the right place. the right people. You know that it can't happen just yet. Will we pass any commerce planets on this course?"  
  
"Yes, Nexturus, it will take three arns. Do you wish to stop there?"  
  
"Yeah." John jumped down. "I'll be in the center chamber getting breakfast."  
  
He walked out humming a tune under his breath. A brightly painted DRD followed on his heels.  
  
Commerce Planet Nexturus:  
  
She had traveled far and long to find his trail. It hadn't been easy. Then nothing to do with John Crichton was. How many commerce worlds had she been on? How many unclassified aliens had she seen? Too many.  
  
Looking up at the raising of the twin suns, she knew she would have to get undercover- for the day would be too hot for her. Going down into the underground inn was refreshingly cool. A smile played around her lips as the door to her rooms slid open. She was greeted by childish laughter, which turned into excited cry. "Mommy!"  
  
A little boy toddled over to her waiting arms. Picking him up she kissed him on the side of the head. "How is my little warrior doing today?"  
  
"I'm good, Mommy." The childish voice had promised, and he kept his word. Aeryn looked over at his setter.  
  
"Yeah, Aeryn, he was good." The voice broke into laughter causing the child to giggle along.  
  
Aeryn had found Chiana hurt and hiding. After they managed to escape, both woman had talked and agreed to stay together no matter what. True to her word Chiana watched after Jack, never leaving him. Aeryn sat her son down, then removed her holster putting the weapon up high out of Jack's reach. Chiana watched her move about waiting for Aeryn to comment on the day. When she didn't speak Chiana got up, moved closer to her- dancing with curiosity.  
  
"Well, did you find out if he was here or not?"  
  
A ghost of a sad smile set on her face. "No one remembers seeing him. Bipeds aren't in the majority here. Signing she sat down. "We have five more solar days here before the Narco comes back. Chi, I can't explain it but I have this feeling we are going to find him here."  
  
Chiana placed her hand on Aeryn's shoulder. "I have the same feelings. Not visions- just feelings. Come I've fixed a real good stew." Chiana turned back to Jack. She held her hands out to him, picking him back up into her arms. "It was good, wasn't it Jackie boy?"  
  
He looked over at his mother grinning that patient Crichton smile. "Yeah, mommy, good." 


	2. Part 1: What is Hope

Part 1: What is Hope  
  
He loved her beyond all hope and she ripped out his heart and through it back at him. True Peacekeeper style. What hope he had was gone now.  
  
Three Arns Later  
  
John sat in the center chamber writing in his journal and reciting figures under his breath. His painted mechanical companion was playing a tune that he had taught it sometime back. One of his hands started to wave, conducting the last section of music. He jumped up excitedly. "Einstein was right! This is the answer I've been looking for."  
  
Less then a cycle ago while Crichton had been space walking, a safe distance from Moya, testing his newfound ability to predict wormhole activity. Einstein, an unnamed species, had taken John through a wormhole into a nexus between his universe and another. It appeared they feared his advancing ability to predict and traverse wormholes. He was also taught that the Ancients were part of a mysterious species from a parallel universe, or another dimension. And it was there that John learned the complete truth - the dangers of disrupting space-time. It could result in a cataclysmic redefinition of the precise mathematical harmony that defined the universe that John lived in. Without understanding the implications or not being able to control the situations.the big bang would be rated a small pop.or in layman terms it would screw the pooch royally.  
  
So here John sat working on the equations, as the floodgate of wormhole knowledge came through. It's not like he had anyone or thing to keep his mind off of it. It gave him a focus, something to hold onto.  
  
"Commander, we have arrived at Nextureus. I would recommend you wait until late noon," Pilot's voice came over the comms.  
  
'Why's that, Pilot?" He asked, pausing from his work.  
  
"The twin suns are very dangerous, even for you. Once on planet you will find that commerce is in subterranean complexes."  
  
"How long do I need to wait?"  
  
"Four arns at lease. I will have a transport pod made ready for you."  
  
"Thanks pilot I'll be in my quarters until then." John left the center chamber, once more humming under his breath.  
  
Four Arns Later:  
  
There was nothing special about this planet. Lately he had started thinking that about all the commerce planets he had been on. When had he become so jaded that he lost his amazement of what the universe had to present? John Crichton had to grow-up. The naive human wanted to survive so he adapted. Abandoned, he had to fend for himself. Without hope. Without backup. A new layer had been added to John Crichton. Shrugging off the past, he made his way over to what looked like the local bar.  
  
Pilot had given him the local news, warnings and customs of the planet so he could stay safe. He went down the stairs that lead to an underground complex, which ran for many metras in all directions. Going up to a bar he ordered his toxin. Spotting a booth in the back corner facing toward the entranceway, he sat down and took a sip. He scrutinized the patrons, hoping no one would show interest in him. John defined his luck in units of small mercies. Relief would come when he could enjoy a quiet drink. Everyone kept to themselves. Still alert he leaned back into his seat enjoying his drink.  
  
Then it happened. A shiver ran down his back, the hair on the back of his head stood on end as he looked at the entrance.. 


	3. Part 2: Hostile Intent…

Part 2: Hostile Intent.  
  
Hostile no. I wouldn't be hostile to Aeryn I love her too much to be that way. No, my answer is to give back what she had given me, indifference.  
  
Three Arns Later  
  
Aeryn? Standing, facing to the side at the bar entrance. He could scarcely credit his eyes. Pushing with the heel of one boot, he sat more erect and turned fully towards her.  
  
He could see she was still beautiful, slightly built with a wealth of dark hair and that rare milk-white skin you seldom run across in real life. As if she sensed John's gaze on her, she turned to look at him, and he found himself staring into the most vulnerable, surprised eyes he ever seen her with. Turning his head from her, he tipped back his head to swig his drink. The blessed burn promised oblivion, and he closed his eyes as the warmth spread through him, needing it-craving it-grabbing for it. He didn't want to face this waking nightmare. Aeryn wasn't here.  
  
A sudden wailing trailed to John over the rhythmic notes of voices. The sound startled him so much that he choked. A baby? Liquor backwash went up his nose. He strained to breathe, his eyeballs feeling as if they might pop from his skull.  
  
He turned his gaze to where the cry came from. A white haired female draped in a gray flowing cloak had her back to him. Her head bent down as she swayed back and forth. The sound came again. An eerie feeling came over him. No.it can't be.Chiana?  
  
He started to stand when the black-haired woman rejoined the one with the baby. Black-hair moved with a ..no, this couldn't be happening. Snorting with disgust he turned his back to them burying his head in his arms. If you ignore them maybe they wouldn't notice him, then again.  
  
Aeryn walked into the bar joining Chiana. She leaned down and said something to the baby. After comforting him she looked back into the room. The informant said he should be in here. Her eyes scanned each patron carefully until they locked on a hunched figure. Nodding with her head, Chiana saw where Aeryn was indicating. "Now what?"  
  
Turning away she walked out of the bar. Chiana followed behind her. "What? Aren't you even going to talk to him?"  
  
Aeryn stopped under the shade of the building overhang. She pulled out her old comm badge. "Pilot?"  
  
Instantly Pilot's voice responded, "Is that you, Officer Sun?"  
  
"Yes, Pilot. Chiana is with me. I just wanted to know if you were in orbit or not. And it's Aeryn now no more Officer." She smiled, as Jack turned his head looking at his mother.  
  
"Will you and Chiana be coming aboard?"  
  
"I hope so. Can you tell me who is still on Moya?" Aeryn's eyes roamed back to the entrance of the bar.  
  
"There is only Commander Crichton, and he is down on the planet. Do you wish me to let him know you both will be rejoining us?"  
  
"No, let him finish whatever he needs to do. We'll be up to Moya in about two arns." She saw another alien enter the bar. A cold mask settled over her face. "Take Jack back to the room and get everything ready for us to leave. I have to finish up something here before I'll can join you."  
  
Chiana had noticed the alien, and knew trouble was about to happen. She really wanted to join in on the action, but Jack's safety came first. "You be careful and watch out for John. The stupid human could be hostile towards you."  
  
"I know," she answered back in a sad voice. "I'll just cover his eema then we'll go home to Moya."  
  
Aeryn went back to the bar as Chiana slipped away with Jack.  
  
Fifty Microts Later:  
  
Glancing back up he saw them leave. Sighing he turned back to nurse his booze flask in peace. He took a long pull from the flask, determined to consume enough liquor to pass out.  
  
"What is that smell?" One of the lowlifes yelled. "This place is worst then a thousand koput herders.  
  
Amen to that. John took another swig of booze and turned up his coat collar. Aeryn. She'd was so beautiful and he.He chased it away with another gulp of liquor, wondering why the images had started back again. She had killed what was lift of John Crichton as surely as if she'd put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.  
  
"You in the black. With that stench.you're a 'bacean." The same loud month said right behind him. John froze with the liquor flask midway to his lips. He clenched his teeth to bite back a curse. Of all.fate once more coming in like an unwelcome troublemaker.  
  
He grabbed John roughly by his arm. John was on his feet before the alien even realized it. John shifted his grip on the flask, as he turned he brought it up to the side of the lowlife's head. With eyes nesting laterally, the blow caught one full on. Growling the lowlife stumbled back with his hand flying up to stem the flow of blood. John backed up his hand on Winona ready for any other attacker. Everyone was either watching or leaving.  
  
Stepping back into the bar Aeryn, heard and saw the commotion, and of course do to no fault of his own, John was in the middle of it. After John had lain open the aliens eye the bar went quiet. Weapon ready, she noticed that John was prepared for whatever was about to happen. Within her puerperal vision she saw someone pulling out his weapon. She didn't haste to put a stop to that.  
  
The creature let out a high pitch screech as he fell to the ground. All eyes turned first to the ex -patron laying on the floor to Aeryn. The loud mouth turned his one good eye to see who was behind him. Recognition let his face. He held up one hand as if begging not to shot. "I'm sorry I didn't know he was with you.please don't hurt me any more."  
  
John never took his eyes from the lowlife. He was amazed at how high his voice could go pleading for his life. Everyone else turned back to what they had been doing. Ignore the problem and maybe it would go away mentality settling in around the room. He put Winona away. Glancing over at Aeryn, his face remained emotionless. Their eyes met for the brief moment before he turned back to his drink.  
  
Aeryn could feel the door close behind those beautiful eyes, not giving anything away. He would make a good peacekeeper she thought fleetingly and that scared her. Walking over to his table she waited for him to acknowledge her presence.  
  
Taking another long drink he sat his flask down. His eyes refusing to meet hers, as he spoke, "Thanks, Aeryn, but I didn't need your help. I have gotten good on my on."  
  
"I know. I just wanted you to know that Chiana and I are back and we are going up to Moya. Pilot is waiting for us."  
  
More time passed he set the container down with a snap. John said in an indifferent voice. "Whatever you want. If Moya and Pilot say ok then I could care less. Anything else?"  
  
She glanced around the bar deciding this wasn't a good place to mention Jack. "When we are all back on Moya, I need to talk to you about something."  
  
"You mean the kid? Sure whatever. Now I have some business to take care of. I'll see you later." He moved away from her. Aeryn could not believe this was the same John Crichton she had left so long ago. A single tear fell down her cheek with so much regret. 


	4. Part 3: We Are Defined…

Part 3: We Are Defined.  
  
As it has been quoted. We are defined by the good and the bad that happens to us. It should be their luck, not their whole life.for luck was by the grace of a higher power.  
  
Moya Two Arns Later:  
  
Chiana was running through the corridors laughing. She never thought she would be so happy to be home again. In all of her life, nothing had felt so much like home then Moya, and she had to go away to realize it.  
  
Aeryn walked slower carrying Jack. He laid his head down on his mother's shoulder looking at everything. His fingers came out of his mouth as he pointed to a large door that swung open to allow them entrance to Pilot's den.  
  
Pilot sat at his station. His arms working in harmony, he looked up as Aeryn and Jack approached him. A sad smile played around Aeryn's lips as she greeted her friend. "Hello, Pilot."  
  
Pilot's face glowed with warmth and happiness. "Greetings, Aeryn. It is good seeing you again."  
  
His eyes grew larger as he looked at the child that had been observing him safely from his mother's arms. Jack pointed at Pilot his small voice full of wonder. "You're Pilot, mommy's friend."  
  
Laughing Aeryn sat him on the console and introduced him. "Pilot, I would like you to meet Jack Sun Crichton. "  
  
"It's nice to meet you young Crichton." Pilot eyes went back over to Aeryn's. "He looks like John, only with your coloring."  
  
"Yes, I know, " she said sadly then added. "I am happy he does take after his father. Tell me pilot.is John all right?"  
  
With reluctance, he answered. "Not really. I heard him stated once that as each person left a piece of him died. When you left he said he was adrift with no anchor to hold him steady. No star in which for him to navigate. He tried to hide the truth the way he does. Overtime it almost destroyed him. Then he found his way back but he had changed."  
  
Aeryn just stood looking at him. She felt numb with the fact she hurt him so deeply, that his very soul could have been shattered. If this is true then she had been the one that destroyed his hope. She had to help him find it again. Did she have the strength to do so?  
  
Growing very tired she asked. "I am going to get settled in. I need to find larger quarters for the both of us."  
  
"Moya has quarters ready which the DRD's are preparing for you. They are larger and near the center chamber for the young child. She was so happy to hear from you and Chiana; to know that both of you wish to return to us."  
  
"Tell Moya that I don't ever want to be anywhere else then here with her and you."  
  
Chiana danced around in command. She had never been so happy then she was at this moment. The past three and half cycles had been a never-ending nightmare. The war had taken its toll on everyone including her brother. If he ever found out what the so-called companions did -when she got hurt. She hoped their deaths had been slow and painful. Pilot's image materialized on the clamshell. "Hey, Pilot! I'm home.home.home." She singsonged as she danced.  
  
"Moya and I are glad you have re-joined us." Pilot's said with sincerity.  
  
She came to a halt, sadness settled over her. "Have you or John ever heard from D'Argo or Jothee?"  
  
He shook his large head looking down. "No, I am sorry to say."  
  
Signing with disappointment, Chiana's spirit couldn't stay down for long. "Well, we have a new crewmember now. Have you met him yet? Where is Aeryn anyway?"  
  
"Yes, I have and she is now in her new quarters with young Crichton."  
  
Chiana smiled softly at him. "I like hearing you call him that. Where are their new quarters? I think I will stay close by for now. Pilot." She kept chatting away as she went in search of Aeryn and Jack.  
  
Pilot was happy that his friends.no family had come home.  
  
A brightly colored DRD peered into Aeryn's new quarters. Aeryn was putting Jack things away as he played on the floor. Looking up he saw the DRD. Standing he ran over to the grated door.  
  
"Mommy, dar-dee!" He cried out excitedly.  
  
Aeryn looked up and saw the DRD. A smile came on her face as she noticed the colors covering it. It had to be a companion of John's. "That must belong to your father."  
  
Jack looked up at her with a toothy grin. "Daddy dar-dee?"  
  
"Yes, see his colors." Aeryn kneeled next to Jack to get a better look. Red, white and blue, the same colors of the flag on John old flight suite. He said it was his country's."See, Jack, those colors are your father's favorite."  
  
DRD had moved closer. Reaching his small hand through the grate he pet it. "Daddy dar-dee."  
  
Aeryn was always thankful that Chiana kept the vid recordings of John. It allowed her a chance to let Jack know what his father looked like. She told Jack stories at night about him, but for Jack to see John meant so much more. Jack was only three cycles but his small body housed a great intelligent. Out of all the bad decisions she had made, having Jack was the only positive thing in her life. With him she felt there was a future worth living for. Now she had to help the man she loved to find that hope again. Aeryn just hoped she wasn't to late. 


	5. Part 4: Running Toward and Away…

Part 4: Running Toward and Away..  
  
I have ran toward her for so long.breaking down walls .sharing something she never experience in her old life.in return abandonment.. live goes on and so did I.  
  
Ten Arns in Route Toward Planet Escabar:  
  
Aeryn had put Jack down for his nap. She returned to putting the rest of their things away. A great weariness descended upon her, and she felt in dire need of a nap. Matching wits with John had drawn heavily on her ready store of energy, and the few brief snatches of sleep she had been able to acquire during the night would be insufficient to uphold her resistance for long in the face of his assault of indifference.  
  
Aeryn felt a hand patting her face. Opening one eye she saw Jack sitting next to her. He reached up again and pats her on the cheek. "Mommy, 'ake up. I hungry."  
  
A soft smile on her face, as her hands eased up to grab him around the waist. Laughing the little boy tried to wiggle out of her hands. She rolled over trapping him on the bed and tickled him. "Hungry again.my little warrior?"  
  
John had come back from Nextureus. So far he had avoided Chiana, Aeryn and the baby. He just wasn't ready to deal with them. Going directly to Pilot's den to talk to him about they're continuing trip to Escabar.  
  
John sat on the console looking down at a palm pilot, for lack of a better term, checking out all the information they had collected from the Library Planet.  
  
"So how long will it take us to reach Escabar?" He asked not looking up.  
  
"We calculate four solar days. Do you wish for me to inform the others of our plans?"  
  
"Why? We made these plans way before they decided to come back. No one invited then to stay." John retorted.  
  
"Commander, Moya and I did. They are a part of THIS family. They came back to us-- as their home. Do you wish me to convey OUR plan?" Pilot's voice firmly stated.  
  
John looked at him for the moment, before jumping down. "Whatever? I just want to go to Escabar. Let them know that."  
  
"As you wish. Course had been set. I will inform them as soon as they awaken."  
  
John was gone before Pilot even finish speaking. Sighing Pilot went back to work.  
  
John roamed the corridors not really concentrating on where he was going. As he neared the center chamber he heard laughter. Looking up from this pad he listen to the childish voice. "Mommy, I'm hungry." Then Aeryn and Jack started to laugh. Aeryn's voice followed shortly. ".my little warrior."  
  
A frown crossed his face. 'Warrior indeed.' He snorted and changed direction not wanting to see or speak to them until he was ready.  
  
John didn't care for the disturbance that intruded in his life style. He had gotten use to answering to no one but himself, well maybe Moya and Pilot from time to time, now others were back. Moving around command he waited for the intruders to barge in. He finished checking out all the information he needed before deciding head for the terrace. As he turned to leave Chiana came bounding into the room with a huge smile on her face.  
  
"Its good to see you, old man." She danced around him.  
  
Faintly smiling. "Yeah, Pip it's good to see you too."  
  
She stopped in front of him, frowning. "What is the matter with you?"  
  
"Nothing, why?"  
  
"Where is the real John Crichton I used to love and know?" She asked in concern.  
  
"Dead," he stated unemotional.  
  
Chiana took a step back then replied back sharply. "Then you better dig him up because he has a son who needs his dad."  
  
His face remained blank. "Son? Don't you mean the other Crichton? I didn't remember being there for conception. Missed that one. " He turned and left command.  
  
Chiana couldn't believe what had just happened. Aeryn had said something about he had changed, but this was more then she expected. She needed to talk to Pilot.  
  
Two Arns Later:  
  
John walked into the center chamber thinking everyone was somewhere else. He knew he was going to have to face Aeryn and Chiana again. Moya was large, but she was still a ship. Aeryn sat at one of the tables holding a warm drink in her hands. She looked up as he walked into the room. He paused a moment seeing her, then walked on ignoring her.  
  
He retrieved his drink and sat near the porthole. Shortly afterwards Chiana joined them with Jack in tow. John was tersely silent, while Chiana supplied all the conversation.  
  
John would glance over at the little boy as he talked to his mother and Chiana. The boy amazed John, he remind him of.well himself. He stiffened at the question Jack asked.  
  
"Mommy, why daddy over there?"  
  
Aeryn smiled. "He has something he is working on."  
  
Jack peeked around her to look at his father. "He don't 'ike me."  
  
John's head swept around to look at the group in the corner. What had Aeryn being telling the kid? He frowned not liking this situation. Aeryn never looked toward John. "He does, Jack, he just don't know you yet."  
  
Jack looked up at his mother trustingly then back at his father. He made eye connect. The block of ice surrounding John's heart started to melt, and he felt his stomach turn inside out. "Hey, daddy." Jack waved at John.  
  
John sat, looking into his son's eyes. "Man." He was lost. 


	6. Part 5: Repercussions…

Part 5: Repercussions.  
  
My heart was protected buried deep in ice. in the deep frigid waters of the ice planet I had lost Aeryn .the ice remained but Aeryn hadn't.how can I deny my on flesh and blood.  
  
John's mind was trying to grip the idea that his son was only three cycles old. How in the frell did he come up with the idea that his father didn't like him? John could see the surprise on everyone's face. Then he made the eye contact and said 'Hey.'  
  
John stirred himself. Putting the pad away he went over to join the others. Sitting down he looked at Jack with a smile. "Hey, Jack."  
  
"Hey, daddy. Do you 'ike me?" Jack asked innocently. His large blue eyes looked at John.  
  
John wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. How can he not care for the child then again how could he. "I care for you, Jack. It's just been a shock to see you. Your mother didn't tell me about you."  
  
"Mommy sorry, daddy. I'm 'ere now. How come you don't want see me?"  
  
Lord, this kid knew how to hit him. Reaching out his hand he took Jack's into his. "I sorry about that, your mother was right I was in the middle of something, but I'm here now."  
  
Jack reached up and touched his father's face. "I am yo'rs right, daddy?"  
  
John face turned a shade of pink. His mind was torment over denying the child with his DNA or claiming him. How could he blame this innocent child the love he deserved? Aeryn denied him that love, but should he deny this child.  
  
Aeryn watched the conflict play across John's face. At the moment she wanted to reach out and smack him. He better not denied this child or she would.  
  
"I guess you are since you're half human." He managed to say. The child looked at him, and John felt he could see his very soul. "OK, daddy. Mommy said you don't 'now me yet. I do love you."  
  
Tears came to Aeryn's eyes. John closed up. He just managed to mummer out before he escaped the room. "I care for you, Jack."  
  
On The Terrace:  
  
Tears had come to his eyes as the torment turned into a full-fledged battle inside himself. He didn't hear the door opening. Hearing Aeryn's voice behind him, he wiped his face-- then his indifferent mask fell back into place.  
  
"John, we need to talk about Jack."  
  
He remained quiet as she moved to stand near him. "John, you have to talk to me. You can not deny that Jack is yours."  
  
"I know that, Aeryn," he said harshly. "I also can't come to terms of what the hell you did to me."  
  
She faced him. "This is not about me or you. This is about our child. I want to explain about him.about his birth."  
  
He turned on her. "I don't want to know or hear anything you have to say now, Aeryn. You gave that right up when you walked out on me with the knowledge of him, " he snarled. "He belongs to the other Crichton tell your dead lover about him."  
  
"Damn you, John. You don't know a frelling about anything." She growled getting into his face. "How in the frell do you know it is his?"  
  
"Because you couldn't bare to look at me, or let me comfort you after he died. I never.we never had the time together.only on the false earth but that was cycles ago.so unless you can freeze--dry the kid until you want it."  
  
"You self-center bastard, you think you are the only one that has been hurt or alone because the universe didn't revolve around the great John Crichton. You don't want to know the truth. I want to tell you but you are." she yelled, but John cut her off.  
  
"I don't give a damn about you anymore, Aeryn. If I want a relationship with Jack then I will.so back off."  
  
She stepped back. "If you hurt him, John, I swear I will kill you. HE IS MY SON! And I will do whatever it takes to protect him, even from his frelling father."  
  
Aeryn stormed off the terrace. John stood there. What in the hell was he doing? Hurt the son.Shocked at the anger that was consuming him.how could he deny the child of his flesh? Turning back to the stars he reached out his shaking hand as if he could touch the brightest one. 


	7. Part 6: Telling The Truth…

Part 6: Telling The Truth..  
  
The truth will set you free. I have lied to myself for so long. I don't even know what is the truth any more.why then can I not let myself hear what Aeryn's truth is.  
  
Aeryn entered her quarters to find Chiana sitting on her bed. Jack lay there so innocent of the cruel universe around him. Tears streaming down her face, the last of her anger fading as she stared down at her beautiful son. Frell, she now had doubts if it was the right thing to bring Jack back to this mad man who once had been the warmest, loving being in the universe.  
  
How could he change so much that you couldn't even see the wonderful person any longer. Realization came to her as she remembered what the other John had said. 'You are my guiding star, my anchor that keeps me from drifting in the madness we call life." She sat down with the painful thought of just how much she had contributed in creating this new John Crichton. Fresh tears flowed with the pain of the whole frelling situation.  
  
Chiana demanded to know what the farbot had said. Just shaking her head, Aeryn picked up Jack and placed him in his bed. Brushing his hair off his forehead she bent down and kissed him. 'I love you, Jack.' As she started to leave his room she saw the brightly colored DRD sitting in the corner watching Jack. A faint smile flickered over her lips to only to return to a saddened frown.  
  
Going back into her room she found Chiana had left. Normally she would have been concerned at what the Nebari would do, but she was drained to such an emotional point that she just didn't care anymore.  
  
LOCK DOWN:  
  
John had gone back to his quarters to sleep. He too felt emotionally and physically drained. Right now he felt nothing but numbness. As he changed for bed, he heard the locks on his door activating. Turning he saw Chiana standing on the other side of the grid watching him as if he was a Peacekeeper.  
  
"What are you doing, Chiana?"  
  
He crossed over to the door. "Pilot, unlock my door." The silence wasn't broken with a response. "Pilot, come on man."  
  
"Not this time Crichton. You are going to hear the truth no matter if you want to or not." Chiana danced back and forth in front of the door.  
  
"Give it a rest, Pip. This has nothing to do with you. This is between Aeryn and me." He said in a tired voice.  
  
"That is were you are wrong. you have hurt Jackie with your cold attitude. Aeryn has tried so hard to teach Jack about you. Now you are going to hear the truth about your son." She sat just in front of the door. "Did you ever wonder about Jack's conception and birth? No, you are to busy feeling sorry for yourself. John Crichton had been wronged. No one has been hurt like me. No one had been abandoned. You fekkik!" Chiana all but yelled at him.  
  
"Fekkik?" He asked confused.  
  
"You are a frelling selfish idiot. How can you deny your son?"  
  
"I don't deny him. Hell, I don't even know him. Aeryn saw to that." John snapped.  
  
"So. That is past history that can't be changed. You should spend sometime with him to get to know him.he can get to know you." She jumped up and swayed back and forth on each word.  
  
"It's not that simple, Chi. How do I know that Aeryn will take him away from me because she gets another urge to find herself." He walked back into his quarters. "I can't love something else only to have it taken away from me again. My heart has been shattered enough- there is hardly any pieces left."  
  
"Look we can stand here and argue this all night and day. Still nothing will change. I just want you to stay in one place keep and your mouth closed. No more whining. This is not about you or Aeryn this is about a life you helped create."  
  
He barked out a dry laugh. "You mean the other me."  
  
"No, now shut your mouth and open your ears. I am going to tell you a story about your son." She settled herself on the floor outside the cell door again. Sighing John gave in to the inevitable. He lay on his bed, throwing his arm over his eyes trying to block the headache that was surely to follow. He remained quiet hoping this would be over soon.  
  
"It started after she left, when she had found out she was pregnat on the command carrier. She just didn't know if it could be John Crichton's. Something about peacekeeper female soldiers and womb stasis." Shaking her head she continued. "Anyway it wasn't long after she joined the rebels that she was betrayed and captured by Commandant Grayza."  
  
John took his arm down, breaking in. "Grayza? That inter- galactic bitch still looking for us?"  
  
"Yes." She said through her teeth. "Now be quiet."  
  
John shrugged his shoulders apologetically. "Now as I was saying. Aeryn was put into the aurora chair to find out where you were. Finding that she didn't know, but that Aeryn was pregnant, Grayza ordered her to be taken to medic bay. They deactivated the status compartment. Aeryn was frantic over what they would do to the child. She wanted to fight and flee but knew she couldn't.  
  
John looked at her with stone-faced. Oh how Chiana wanted to hit him one. "They planned to let the child come to full term. Once it was born they would execute Aeryn and use the child to get you to join them. They really do want you more now then ever."  
  
He held up his hand in her pausing. She snapped. "What?"  
  
"Permission to speak. Even if they used a warning beacon to alert me that I was a father do they think I would just walk in to give myself up with no way my child could be set free and be taken care of? I mean I want my son, but it wouldn't do him any good if I captured too."  
  
"How in the frell am I to know that? These are Peacekeepers we are talking about. You figure it out. Now as I was saying. Aeryn was able to escape."  
  
"How?" John barked out.  
  
"Believe this or not, but by Captain Braca." She paused ready for his next outbreak. She was disappointed when he didn't respond. "Well, anyway."  
  
"You're right I don't believe it. Why in the frell would he help her? And they must be desperate to make that idiot a captain."  
  
"Anywayyy.. he did. She made it back to the rebels who in return helped her to get the hell out of Dodger."  
  
"That's Dodge."  
  
'Yeah. She got a ship and came looking for any of us she could find. She found me stuck on a planet hurt and hiding. Aeryn was pretty far along. She was afraid that the pregnancy was lasting longer then an ordinary sebacean pregnancy. It was then that I decided I would not leave her or Jack. I haven't. I want to help as long as they both need me. It's more I could say for you."  
  
John was staring off into the distance adsorbing it up. Chiana cleared her throat getting his attention. "After Jack was born we stayed hidden until Aeryn felt comfortable becoming a mom. She took to it remarkably well. A few monens after his birth we found transport and started hunting for you. We searched for three long cycles. Each time we would feel we were getting close only to find the trail was cold. I would have given up on you but not Aeryn. I asked her once why she persisted in finding you. It wasn't until a day or so ago that she finally answered my question. You want to know what it was?"  
  
Shaking his head with a shrug he knew she would tell him anyway. "It was because the biggest mistake she had ever made in her life was leaving you and not telling you about Jack. She had to find you so that you and Jack could know each other. That's all she was expecting from you. All she wanted was for Jack to know his father. Now you tell me, Mr. Know-nothing, why in the frell haven't you paid attention to your very own son?"  
  
John leaned back against the wall, not answering. Frell he didn't even know what to say.  
  
"Ahhh! You frelling stupid human." Chiana screamed. She jumped to her feet. "Stay in there till you rot, you drenit. John remained seated as she stormed off. 


	8. Part 7: Exploring New Horizons

Part 7: Exploring New Horizons  
  
I told you so.I told you so.how many times do you have to hear that before you hit the dupe to shut him up.Only I find it unsatisfying to hit myself.maybe its time to look for new horizons.like my child.and.  
  
Three Arns in Route Toward Planet Escabar:  
  
John sat in his quarters locked in for the past five arns. Pilot had not answered him nor had he seen 1812, his usual companion. Laying down he had hoped to sleep but that too was not to come. Finally he just sat in the middle of bed. His mind play over everything Chiana had said, with flashes of Jack and the fight he had with Aeryn permeating, to heighten his turmoil.  
  
He promised himself he wouldn't hurt her, but damnit she had ripped him apart. Getting up he paced, only to stop in the middle of the room throwing his hands up in the air; a frustrated scream came blaring out.  
  
"You sound like mommy when she gets mad," a small voice said from the grated door. John spun around saw Jack standing there.  
  
"Hey, Jack. What are you doing here?" John asked, coming closer. He spoke in a calm voice not wanting to scare or hurt the boy's feelings.  
  
"I heard aunt Chiana howling about 'ou. Mommy was crying. I saw her when she thought I was 'leep." Jack looked up at his father; he so wanted to know. "I am three but I don't like mommy 'rying."  
  
If a peacekeeper were to stick a knife in him, it wouldn't hurt as much as that did. 'I don't like mommy crying.' Lord he never wanted that to happen.and to.to hurt his son.yes his son like this. What kind of man had he become?  
  
Kneeling down he came to Jack's eye level. "I'm sorry she is crying, Jack."  
  
"Why don't you like her? I do." Jack reached his hand through the grate and patted his father's hand. "It's ok if you don't like me but 'lease like mommy."  
  
Turn the knife my little one- you are good.  
  
"Jack, I love you," John said, taking Jack small hand into his. "You are my son."  
  
"Daddy, can I come in to see you?" Jack asked trying to get in.  
  
"Sorry, kid, I'm sortta locked in here thanks to your aunt Chiana." John laughed. .  
  
A DRD stopped beside Jack. "1812. Now I know where you have been. OK, get me out of here so Jack and I can get together."  
  
Pilot was monitoring John ever since Chiana had requested for him to lock John into his quarters-- until she could reason with him. After the talk, Pilot decided Crichton needed to spend more time there to contemplate what had been said. Then, Pilot discovered Jack wandering the corridors. Moya became concerned, so she sent more DRDs to watch over him. Surprisingly Crichton's little DRD had assigned itself as a guardian of the little boy. Pilot unlocked John's door.  
  
John stepped back as the door opened. Jack dodged into the room to his father's open arms. Hugging the child to him, he felt the rest of the ice melting. No matter what was between him and Aeryn, this child was not going to get caught in the middle. John knew his own father would kick him in the backside around the earth and then some.  
  
John pulled Jack back and looked him in the eyes, a mirror of his own. John could see the intelligence. He was so astounded by it. He could never deny this child of his. He looked up to see Aeryn standing in the doorway with unshed tears in her eyes.  
  
A faint smile came to John's lips. He said softly. "You have done good with him, Aeryn. Thank you for bringing him to me."  
  
A tear trailed down her face at hearing the words she had so hoped for. When Aeryn had gone to check on Jack and found his room empty, she was full of panic. Comming Chiana she asked, " Chiana, is Jack with you?"  
  
"No, why?" Chiana's concerned voice asked.  
  
"He's not in his room.I don't know.Pilot!" Aeryn rushed down the corridor while calling out. " Pilot!"  
  
"Yes, Aeryn Sun."  
  
"Jack is missing." Aeryn tried to keep the panic at bay. Chiana joined her.  
  
"Aeryn, I have located him at John's quarters. The DRDs have been monitoring him."  
  
Aeryn stopped walking, and looked over at Chiana. Both broke into a run. She could hear Jack talking in his childish voice and a deeper one answering him. As they turned the corner Aeryn saw Jack in John's arms. Chiana came up beside her. A knowing smirk spreading on Chiana's face.  
  
Planet Escabar..  
  
John stood in command with Jack sitting on the strategy table, watching the twin binary stars with twelve worlds orbiting them. John observed a trail of matter as the gaseous blue giant siphoned off the smaller twin. John was more excited over this highly extraordinary occurrence, now that Jack was with him.  
  
"See isn't that beautiful?" John asked excitedly.  
  
"Yeah, daddy. Mommy's star?"  
  
John frowned and looked down at Jack, who was looking at the screen. "Not quite." John pointed out as Moya maneuvered through the system. "See that great big planet?"  
  
Jack nodded his head.  
  
"That's Escabar. I have been wanting to come here for sometime." John explained.  
  
"Why?" Jack asked looking up at his father.  
  
"Curiosity."  
  
"Curiosity killed the pussy." Jack chanted.  
  
A puzzled smile flickered across John's face. Laughing he corrected, "That's curiosity killed the cat. Where did you hear that from?"  
  
"One of the vids aunt Chiana played of you."  
  
"Mmmm, I'm going to have to check those vids out sometime."  
  
"Daddy, are we going down on the planet?" Jack looked up at him.  
  
"You're not. I don't know what the conditions are until I get there. I know your mom wouldn't want you to be placed in danger."  
  
"Can I see vids on it 'ater?"  
  
"Vids like in tour guide? I'll see what we can do. Where do you get these ideas?" John couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"Aunt Chi." Jack seriously said.  
  
Chiana had proven to be full of surprises. All she did was smirk around John like a Cheshire cat. Aeryn watched as the only people she loved interact just like she had so hoped for. Looking down at the console she marveled at the system herself. John had opened her eyes to things around her, but Jack gave her fresh eyes to observe anew.  
  
"Commander, an official awaits your arrival in the great city." Pilot announced.  
  
"Thanks, Pilot." John looked back over at Aeryn. Chiana stood by Jack. "Well does anyone want to go with me?"  
  
Aeryn was about to speak when Chiana blurred out. "Jackie boy and I will stay here while you and Aeryn check it out. If it looks safe enough I'll bring Jack down for a short visit."  
  
John looked over at Aeryn then started walking out of command. "If you want."  
  
Hesitantly, Aeryn followed John. She hugged Jack on the way out, and gave Chiana a baleful look.  
  
Landfall.  
  
John had introduced himself and Aeryn to a tall, slim, bluish-gray alien species known as Escaions. Before entering orbit, Aeryn had gone to Pilot's den to learn about their communications with this planet. John's scientific inquires about the Escaions system was greeted with gratification.  
  
On some level Aeryn couldn't fully understand how John was able to relate with these people. They were soft-spoken passive species that like to see the good quality of the species they dealt with. She remembered a human that had been like that in his first cycle on this side of the wormhole.  
  
Recognition flashed in her mind. Looking at the Escaions from a different point of view. Maybe this was one of the reasons John wanted to meet them. He saw in them what he had once.what his species had.he was looking for that part of him that had been buried for to long.  
  
Aeryn watched John transform before her eyes, from a cold bitter man into a compassionate one. She watched his face change, as new information was relayed to him. His features became grave, somber, as the sad tale of the Escaion's was unfolded. Aeryn noticed a light flicker to life deep in his eyes and recognized it as courage: pure and undiluted. Aeryn watched him draw a deep breath, as if he drew strength from it. He could relate to these people's history in peaceful exploration and gathering scientific knowledge through joint collaboration with others.  
  
What Aeryn saw was not just emerging maturity, but something greater, a kind of agelessness. She understood, in that moment, why people were drawn to him. He had an indefinable quality that the word charisma didn't quite encompass. It was a presence, a way of being that radiated from him.  
  
She watched now, keenly observant, as John became the center, as men older and more seasoned then he looked toward him, deferred to him, gave him a respect that went far beyond the fact he was an alien. Aeryn had the startling thought that somehow, she had managed to miss the essence of John.  
  
The thought astonished her. And intrigued her.  
  
A hovercraft came overhead, and she looked up as it descended toward them. They were escorted to the craft that whisked them away to the site John had inquired about. He had not really acknowledged her presence, but yet he would stop when she was not near him. She paid little attention to what the Escaions were saying. She stayed on guard always watching out for John. Looking at his face know, she was so taken with the absolute integrity she saw there. Who was he really? Had she ever known? Did she want to know? What would it cost her to find out?  
  
What would it cost her not too?  
  
Somewhere, Aeryn realized it had gone beyond choice. She felt compelled to discover who this man, she once thought she loved so deeply and so completely, really was. She didn't just want to go with him; she had to go with him.  
  
As the hovercraft landed in the little glade, John broke from the knot of aliens that surrounded him, and turned back to her. He took her elbow and leaned close.  
  
"What do you think so far?" He looked around the area. "Do you think we might can bring Jack down later?"  
  
Nodding her head, "Maybe. Lets wait a little longer, then we'll see."  
  
She was rewarded with that drop-dead-smile of his. Aeryn couldn't help but return it. John gazed at her before he turned away. The look of suppressed desire still smoldered there, she was sure of it. 


	9. Part 8: Lost …

Part 8: Lost .  
  
Out of the mouth of babes'.my own son just three cycles asked me so clearly that he wants me to save his mommy.frell I can't even save myself from her.from the flame of love that simply wouldn't die.the truth is I fear that it could've.  
  
John found all of this more then he had expected. Yet his eyes would drift over to Aeryn. She was different; gentler, calmer, softer in ways that enhanced her beauty and gave her a newer inter-strength. Shaking his head.by the goddess he was falling in love with her all over again.He shook his head again. With all that had gone on, and all that had happened. She told Jack about him.  
  
J'ra'na spokesman for the Escaions' Techno community ran a non-stop commentary. John started to get a little bored, and wanted to move on to something else like taking Aeryn to a place for a mid-day.No that will not happen again. He picked the conversation up to keep his mind away from her.  
  
Aeryn knew John was having a hard time keeping his indifference from her. She would catch him stealing glances her way. A smile played around her lips at the look on his face before he turned away from her to demand that J'ra'na explain in more detail about their medical discovery. Aeryn knew that John was just as bored as she was, that he was fighting the attraction he was feeling toward her.  
  
Aeryn became restless, she moved through the displays glancing at one to another wanting to learn more about the species John showed such a fascination for.  
  
One display drew her attention. A rather abnormal stone flashed at her with a strange luminosity. Inquisitively she reached out touching the stone, a flashpoint sparked at her fingertip causing a razor-sharp pain to radiate up her arm. She snatched her fingers back. Glancing down she saw a burnt patch on the tip of her index finger. Unconsciously putting the injured finger in her month, she looked over the lettering on the display box. She was unable to make out the symbols. ???????????? Creevykeel-acid stone). Realizing that the room had grown quiet, she took a fleeting look around to find that John and his hosts had left her behind. Muttering under her breath, she hurried out to find them.  
  
John becomes aware that Aeryn was following at a slower than normal pace. She seemed different, more sluggish. Taking pity on her, he told J'ra'na that he and his companion needed to take a break for refreshments. Apologizing J'ra'na lead them to a place for them to be served. Sitting down at the refreshment table, Aeryn contacted Moya.  
  
John laughed, but kept his eye on Aeryn. She had grown quieter, and he believed she looked paler. "Aeryn, how is Jack doing?"  
  
A smile broke out. "He's fine. Chiana said he keep asking if he was going to get to come down."  
  
"It's pretty safe here. Why not bring him down tomorrow? I'd like to show him some things J'ra'na was talking to me about. What 'a say?"  
  
"All right. I'll tell him when we get back home." She looked down at her food and pushed in away. She wasn't feeling to good, she asked. "Are you hot?"  
  
John watched as she pushed her untouched food away. Concern started to grow within him. On her last question he took a closer look at her. She was pasty white and sweating. The fact was, the temperature had dropped. Reaching out he brushed his fingers along her cheek. She glanced over at him in puzzlement.  
  
"Aeryn, do you feel ok?"  
  
"No, I feel hot and." She broke off, her eyes growing larger. "John.I think I need to go back to Moya to get some rest."  
  
"Are you sure that is all you need. The Escaions has an advanced med.."  
  
Aeryn stood suddenly cutting John off. "No, I just need to get back to Moya now."  
  
His mask of indifference slipped into place. "If you want. I'll get a ride back up later."  
  
He turned away from her asking their guide if Aeryn could get a lift back to the shuttle, as she needed to go back to their ship. Without another word, Aeryn was lead away. A sorrowful look on her face, she glanced back at John, but he kept his back turned to her.  
  
Moya.  
  
Pilot alerted Chiana that Aeryn was coming back aboard without Crichton. Growing angry she hurried through the corridors ready to go planet side and kick Crichton's eema back to Moya without a shuttle.  
  
The door opened but Aeryn hadn't come down the steps. Growing concerned Chiana rushed in, coming to a complete halt. "Aeryn, what in the frell."  
  
Aeryn stood shakily holding onto the console, "I don't feel so well. Help me to my quarters. I'll be fine after some rest."  
  
" What happen down there? Is John all right? Does he know that you are." Chiana rapidly fired one question after another.  
  
"Yes. Please help me, or I'll make it myself." Aeryn snapped.  
  
Tight-lipped Chiana helped Aeryn out of the shuttle toward her quarters. "Where is Jack?"  
  
"In his room asleep. Don't worry Pilot has a dozen DRD's stationed around to make sure he stays put."  
  
Aeryn fell into her bed curling up into a ball. She murmured, "Watch after Jack until John comes back for him, please Chi?"  
  
Pulling the cover over her, Chiana slowly left the room. After looking in Jack's room to see that the child still slept peacefully, she hit her comm.  
  
"John. John, answer me you drenit." She demanded angrily.  
  
"What do you want, Chiana? I'm busy." He replied blandly, trying to insulate himself from her aggravating manner.  
  
"What in the frell did you do to Aeryn?"  
  
"What do you mean -what I did? She wanted to go back to Moya and that's what the hell she did. "  
  
"She's sick or were you so busy you didn't notice." she said with loathing.  
  
John grew quiet on the other end. "Yeah, I noticed but she didn't want to talk about it. Did she tell you what was wrong?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then it might not be anything. I'll be back in a couple of arns. If she's still not doing well, I'll have one of the Escaions check her out. Will that do for you?" His voice grew distant again. "Look I got to go."  
  
Chiana stared at her comm, picturing in her mind what she was going to do to Crichton when he came back on board Moya. With that evil thought she went back to Aeryn's quarters.  
  
Two Arns Later-On Moya..  
  
. It was late into the day when John gave up the battle. He cursed himself all the way to down the corridor, up a level, telling himself he wanted only to look in on Aeryn, to make certain she was resting.  
  
After the Escaions had delivered him back safely to Moya he asked if they could check out his companion, if she was still ill. They were more then happy to offer their services.  
  
Chiana was standing waiting for him. By the look in her eyes, John knew he was going to catch hell for his appalling behavior and for the life of him he had to agree he deserved it. John asked Chiana if she would take Jack into the center chamber and feed him while he checked on Aeryn.  
  
He stalked to Aeryn's door, determined to set her straight-- on not admitting when something was wrong when asked. She had a child to consider now.  
  
"Aeryn, we need to talk." John announced -only silence greeted him. Growing angrier he snapped out. "Aeryn, damnit."  
  
John opened the door and bushed the privacy curtain aside. Stopping short, the anger drained from him. Aeryn's prone body lay across the floor; face down with one hand stretched toward her bed. Her cover trail off the bed twisting around her ankles. John rushed forward calling her name.  
  
"Aeryn. Oh, baby." He fell to his knees gently turning her on her back. Murmuring to her all the time. "Aeryn, open your eyes. Come on open your eyes."  
  
In a distance she could hear his voice calling out to her. Aeryn tried to answer but it was too hard, she just didn't have the strength to respond. It felt as if her whole body was weighted down. Struggling she manage to opened her eyes to slits then gasped his name as the breath left her lungs.  
  
He started yelling over his comm for Chiana. He untangled the golden cover from her angles, tenderly placing her back onto her bed. Her head rolled listlessly over the pillow, her body shaking violently as he put more covers over her. Aeryn could hear him barking out orders to Chiana but her mind couldn't focus to understand what he was saying. Then he was pulling the covers away from her. Gasping out. "No, pleas.." She fought him weakly. He meant to torment her, she thought. His was always tormenting her with his words and indifference. With the last bust of energy she lashed out at him, her fist connecting with his jaw. Falling back onto the bed with a satisfying grin, when she heard him cry out in pain.  
  
"Aeryn, your clothes are damp let me help you take them off." He tried to reason with her. "You'll be more comfortable."  
  
Understanding, she relaxed her grip letting him near. He removed her clothing, and then pulled the bedcovering back up. As her senses started to recede, she heard more voices, then a coolness on her face.  
  
In her feverish hallucinations voices and faces came back to haunt her. Opening her eyes she saw Chiana standing over and coaxing her. "Aeryn, drink this broth. The child will be born soon, you'll see."  
  
"I want John, Chiana," she said pitifully.  
  
"I know but he's not here. You need to finished this, it'll give you strength."  
  
"I need John," she whispered as a tear slid down her cheek.  
  
The vision blurred to transform into John. He was keeping his distance, his beautiful face blank of emotion. "I do love you, Aeryn, once.but now I can't trust you."  
  
He turned away from her. "No, John. Please come back. I love you. Please."  
  
The heat was so intense-death would be preferable to it and this pain of loss-she felt coolness on her face and it worked its way down her body. She wanted to turn into its inviting comfort. Opening her eyes she gazed at Grayza bending over her. "You breed with John Crichton to create a half- breed. Still you leave him. You know no loyalty to anyone. To your Peacekeeper heritage.to the Sebacean race.to him.you are a coward. A traitor!"  
  
Sharp piercing pain shot through her head. "Where is Crichton?" Over and over that hated voice repeatedly asked, microt after microt. She would never give John up to Grayza, so she responded, "I don't know.he's safe from you."  
  
"Keep her alive until the child is born then she is to be eliminate."  
  
"NO!! Leave my child alone!" Aeryn screamed.  
  
Twisting away from the hands on her body. She tried to fight but she was strapped down. She wasn't going to let them take her baby. No.  
  
Grayza appeared in her vision again. "I will use this mongrel to capture his father. Crichton will be mine.not yours.but mine."  
  
"NOOOO!" She screamed over and over thrashing to get out of her restrains. Aeryn was going to kill Grayza. She had to protect her child.John's child.  
  
#  
  
John rushed back into Aeryn's quarters after Chiana shouted over the comms for him. He found Chiana trying to hold Aeryn down. "Get a hold of her other arm before she hurts herself or one of us." Chiana growled, as she ducked a swinging fist.  
  
John all but laid his body over hers, murmuring soft words to her. Within microts he could feel the tension leave her. Picking up the cold damp cloth he rub her face and body down again. She relaxed even more. Hopefully she would fall a sleep.  
  
#  
  
Something cool slid over her body again and again with slow, unhurried motions. She was turned over, the cooling caresses going down her back. Frell, it felt so good. She relaxed, her mind drifting into another dream.  
  
Scorpius marched up to Aeryn's bed, dragging a limp body and said. "See my dear, I want let the Commandant have him.if I can't then nobody can."  
  
Lowering her eyes she saw John's lifeless body at her feet. A raging scream build up from the bottom of her very soul, but she didn't have the strength to let it out. Scorpius reached out his hand and smoothed her hair back from her neck. Lowering his black lips to brush a kiss there. She shuddered at the cool contact.  
  
#  
  
John held Aeryn's hand as he felt her body once more settle into a troubled sleep. A small anxious voice asked him from across the room. "Daddy, is mommy 'll right?"  
  
Jack stood in the doorway. Their beautiful son so young and fragile never took his eyes off of his parents. Motioning for Jack to come, John sat him on his lap, hugging him close. "Yeah, the Escaions said that the fever would cleanse the poison from her body."  
  
"But what of the living death?" Jack asked. He glanced up at his father with innocent trust. John wondered what had he done to earn such trust.  
  
"We won't let that happen. She will come back to you .to us, Jack." John kissed him on the top of his head as Jack leaned back into his arms. A moment later Jack reached out his small hand he laid it on top of his parents entwined hands.  
  
#  
  
A new shivering possessed Aeryn. She was cold. Something warm was placed over her. The voices.the faces.they wouldn't leave her alone. Why was she so cold? She turned trying to find someone to tell her. Only. "John? Don't leave me.I need you to be here when our son is born. Mother, why couldn't you join us? No, Crais.Mother.no.John, I do love you.you've got to believe that.but please love Jack.he is your son.John."  
  
Xhalax Sun laughed. "You see what love can bring you.pain.disappointment. I warned you."  
  
"What have you done, Officer Sun? You've betrayed your blood oath.you've betrayed being a Sebacean." Crais coldly pointed at her.  
  
Screams from so many voices, the faces of her past floated in and out of her vision. "Traitor! Traitor!" They taunted her. Their claws reaching to catch her. She whirled and ran from them straight into the human's arms.  
  
"Save me, please! Don't let them take me! I love you."  
  
'You're nothing to me. You left me when I needed you. I can't trust you any more." John accused her.  
  
The heat was suffocating.she had to get to somewhere cool. The cooling motion started again. Opening her eyes she saw John above her. She griped his arm and slightly pulled up. "Keep your promise.don't let the living death.save Jack. Please love him, John. He'll need you.remember your promise."  
  
"I won't let the living death take you, babe. You hear me, Aeryn. Jack needs you.' He stroked her face. "So do I."  
  
Falling back onto the bed, once more her nightmare attacked her. "Traitor.Traitor." Velorek, Xhalax Sun, Crais, Scorpius, Braca, Grayza and more voices came back screaming at her.all her past came crashing down on her. She flung her hands over her ears and thrashed about wildly. "I'm not! I'm not! John."  
  
Something cold touched her face. She turned her head into its welcoming coolness.  
  
"Don't leave me, John," she whimpered.  
  
Scorpius and Grayza grabbed at her.  
  
"Don't leave me. I am so sorry.please forgive me, John.I love you so much.Please, John.please.plea." Her voice faded as she was being drawn down into darkness, peaceful darkness. She floated, she glided, she swayed and a mist rolled upward around her and consumed her. 


	10. Part 9: One Step At A Time

Part 9: One Step At A Time  
  
How can I keep fighting my attraction to her.how can I deny my heart my very soul.no more then I deny my son.when I told Aeryn I love her beyond hope.I feel now that was an understatement.I love her beyond life itself. now how do I get my heart to trust her not to harm it again.only one step at a time.  
  
The fever had destroyed the poison, and Aeryn was moving about Moya. Chiana told Aeryn how John had been there every moment. They offered to watch over her, but he refused every time. He told D'Argo it was a promise he had made many cycles ago that he would be there so she wouldn't die alone. Tears ran down Aeryn's face as she remembered the promise-now if she could only be certain he'll be there all the time.  
  
The next day she awakened to find John and Jack asleep beside her. The loves of her life.unable to stop herself she reached out a shaking hand to touch first Jack then John, stroking their faces. John's eyes snapped open, but when he saw the clarity of her beautiful eyes a slow smile came across his face. Lost they could only stare into each other's eyes, until Jack had awakened to claim his mother's attention.  
  
Crichton had gone back to his quarters, but his indifference was not present any longer. He spend his free time with Jack. When Aeryn would encounter them, John would greet her casually. Chiana could still see John holding himself back, but not as far as he had.  
  
All four traveled back down to the planet to meet the Escaions. Jack was enthralled with them. Chiana was bored with them. John and Aeryn were introduced to the Chieftain, who in her advanced cycles hardly spoke to offworlders. They were invited to partake an evening meal with her, but Aeryn declined saying she was still recovering from her past illness and needed to go back to their ship to rest. John knew that she had fully recovered.  
  
He agreed to join the Chieftain that evening.  
  
Chieftain's Quarters Even Meal:  
  
The Planetary Leader, Chieftain Tu'na'ra, gave a private dinner in honor of their new guest. Tu'na'ra was Escaion's oldest and wisest living ruler in their history. John found that no matter how long he had been on this side of the universe, he could still feel awe. He was quite astonished by Tu'na'ra's insight. She had seen her planet go from the brink of self- destruction to its present day power. They were forced to grow-up as she laughingly phrased it.  
  
"There is a saying amongst my people-- to grow we must first take a step. Does your species have such a saying, John Crichton?" She asked in a compelling voice.  
  
"Yes. In uncertain times we must take one step at a time."  
  
Turning her head slightly sideways she studied him. "Is that not true in loving someone?"  
  
He paused, looked up at her, but remained quiet. Looking back down she picked up a purple looking carrot stick, "When I was young I would not eat koori, yet I have not tasted it. How could I know that I wouldn't enjoy? My father told me to take my first step towards it. I did. I found that I loved the taste and texture. You have tasted love, but are now afraid of it. Why is that?"  
  
"Lies and abandonment can do that to you." He took a bite of the koori. It tasted like a carrot.  
  
The old Chieftain continued observing him. "The struggle in you is great. I can feel it. Is it not true that speaking of it can set you free?"  
  
Without thought he said out-loud. "The truth can set you free." John sighed. "I don't know what to believe anymore."  
  
"The truth is you haven't known what to believe since she left you over three cycles ago, isn't that true?"  
  
He looked at woman startled.  
  
"Trust shattered is the hardest thing to repair," Tu'na'ra said. "I should know after living so many years. The events in our lives change us the; bad and the good. Aeryn leaving you alone changed who you were." Peering over at him she asked. "Are you the same man as when you first met her?"  
  
"No, I changed to survive." He said in a low voice.  
  
"At risk of stating the obvious, I have found that sad times can bring happier ones. Loss can teach us to appreciate what we have for each moment we have it."  
  
"It should be what we have learned from life, is it selflessness or cynicism. I know you have a strong character - you have been successful by adapting to what life has handed you. It wasn't until after your friends left, that you lost your way. Instead of becoming stronger and wiser, you experience bitterness and self-protectiveness."  
  
John realized with shame, that he had become all the things the Chieftain spoke of. He pushed Aeryn and his son away-his own attitude-had made it so easy.  
  
"I think I'm afraid of loving her," he said out loud. He couldn't believe he was having this conversation with a total stranger.  
  
A warm smile graced Tu'na'ra's face as she fixed her eyes on him. "I will share a secret that a long life had taught me. Even though we use the word love, it encompasses many emotions and expressions-- of passion, exhilaration, wonder, and hope. Love is subjected to many elements, as the cycles go by, but only one element of love stands above all others..." she paused watching the struggle play in John's eyes. "It's forgiveness. We see only the hurt, the wrong they have done to us, and miss out on the reality that they have idiosyncrasies and weaknesses."  
  
"The pain." John started to say but she continued softly, "To truly love is to see the person, to forgive them of their inadequacy when they come back to us seeking redemption. It is the quality of forgiveness that brings love up to a higher level. To love someone with no illusions, as to what we would want them to be, love becomes real and stronger. Many cycles ago you fell in love with a woman who became your dream. Now the question is, can you look beyond that dream, that peacekeeper, and love the woman for who she has become?"  
  
"Easier to say then to do," he gave a bitter laugh.  
  
"She ran.are you not running now? I have rarely found myself able to solve a problem by running away from it, mind you. I have also rarely found an answer by running after it. The harder I chase, the further it gets from my grasp."  
  
"Then what should I do?"  
  
"Why don't you just wait," the Tu'na'ra said. "And let the answer find you?" 


	11. Part 10: New Beginnings

Part 10: New Beginnings  
  
You can't take a step back to what was or should have been.you can only go forward and create something new.stronger and more rewarding.. love was always there, the rest will come..  
  
Pilot's sensors showed that they were headed towards a small developing solar system. John and Pilot's friendship had matured into a strong union with their mutual desire for exploration; such as the easy friendship that all Pilot's people shared with the Relgarians. He commed John about Moya's discovery. The others didn't mind if they headed that way, but Chiana did say something about a commerce planet and supplies. John had to laugh at the look on Pilot's face after Chiana put it in her colorful way. They would first stop off at the commerce planet then go exploring. Yeah, it felt like home again.  
  
Crichton stood outside of Aeryn's quarters. The old Chieftain's words came back to him, to let the answer find him, easy for her to say. John decided to ask one question. Then he'd know if there was truly any hope. He knew Jack would be taking his nap, and that Aeryn would be alone for the moment. Getting up his nerve he called out her name. The door opened allowing him to enter, but he didn't see her anywhere in sight. He called out softly. "Aeryn?"  
  
She came out of the refreshing chamber with a towel wrapped around her head. "John?" She came to an abrupt halt. "I didn't hear you."  
  
Swallowing hard, his eyes ran the length of her body. His breath caught in the back of his throat making it impossible to speak even if he could form a thought. Smiling Aeryn walked over to her bed while she finished drying her hair. John could tell she knew what his problem was. Damn the woman.  
  
"Aeryn, I.I would like to know if you would go on a date with me when we reach the commerce planet?"  
  
Confused she looked over at him. "Date?"  
  
Shrugging his shoulders he explained. "Yeah.on my planet if a man and woman were interested in each other they would go out on a date to get to know each other better. I."  
  
"But, John, we know each other."  
  
"You mean we once did." he snapped then closed his month. He saw the hurt flash across her face. "I'm sorry, Aeryn. I just want to know if you would spend a day with me to talk and .I don't know share a meal together. We have changed and I would."  
  
"I would love to go on a date with you, John." She cut him off. "What about Jack?"  
  
"I know we agreed not to take him on a commerce planet without first knowing what's it like but.maybe Chi could ."  
  
Aeryn flashed him one of her radiant smiles that made him lose his train of thought. It hit him hard at just how much he missed that beautiful smile of hers. The ice around his heart was gone. He could feel the flame growing in intensity. Tu'na'ra was right; to grow we must first take a step.even in love.  
  
Finis 


End file.
